On the Radio
by arizona4ever
Summary: 11x05: One-shot based on a song that flashes through the Calzona healing process and ends with them together. Something I just needed to write.


**Author's Note:** *spoilers for 11x05* This is different from anything else I've written. It's meant to be interpreted however you want. It's a neutral point of view, so it could be either Callie or Arizona narrating, and you make the length of time that passes between verses however long or short you feel would fit.

This song is "On the Radio" by Regina Spektor. I highly recommend listening to it...it's actually a pretty happy, upbeat song. Granted, this is just _one_ of my interpretations of this song... I hope you enjoy it(:

**On The Radio**

_This is how it works_

_It feels a little worse_

_Than when we drove our hearse_

_Right through that screaming crowd_

_While laughing up a storm_

_Until we were just bone_

_Until it got so warm_

_That none of us could sleep_

I miss you so much. Seven years we've been together, and now it's over. I still have trouble believing it. I expect you to be there when I get home, and sometimes I catch myself calling out your name, wanting to tell you about my day. But I can't. This feeling, this sense of finality, it almost feels worse than all the storms we've been through. But you and I? We aren't healthy. We're toxic to each other. Our relationship was just too suffocating. So now here I am, watching you from afar at work. I feel numb. I'm angry, sad, _relieved_. However, I don't know if I'll ever truly move past you. I love you and I know you love me...but sometimes it's just not enough, and we've got to do what's healthy for us...and for our daughter.

_And all the Styrofoam_

_Began to melt away_

_We tried to find some worms_

_To aid in the decay_

_But none of them were home_

_Inside their catacomb_

Well, it's getting easier to see you around. And I'm happy to see that you look happier too. It's a good look on you. I'm happier too. I think it helps to hang out in group settings. It makes it better...less awkward. I really think they're helping us become friends ourselves. Though I still struggle when we see each other at work. I know we act professional, but God, it's so hard. Sometimes I want to scream at you...others I want to kiss you. However, like I said, it's getting easier. I think.

_A million ancient bees_

_Began to sting our knees_

_While we were on our knees_

_Praying that disease_

_Would leave the ones we love_

_And never come again_

Wow. It's been a long time since we broke up, and we had a fight. About the same old things. I mean, it was just like old times. I try to bring you down and you bring me down too. Though, I must say...I think this fight was different. It still hurt, we still hurt each other, but I think this was our last one. Because at the end, after we got it all out of our systems, you stared at me and I stared back...and I think we both realized we're done. There's no reason to hold these things against each other anymore. We're both healthier, happier...more confident. And we realized that if we keep holding on, it will affect Sofia. I loved hugging you, because you do mean so much to me. That will never change. And when we promised each other that we were forgiven...This is the first time I believed it with all my heart. I could feel it.

_On the radio_

_We heard November Rain_

_That solo's really long_

_But it's a pretty song_

_We listen to it twice_

'_Cause the DJ was asleep_

I couldn't be prouder of our progress. The other night was perfect family bonding time. I think it was also good for Sofia to see her mommies being civil and friendly with each other. I know it's sad at times...that we're not together. But it's clear it was the best decision. The more time that goes by, the better we get. I can't remember being this genuinely healthy. Even before you, I struggled...then when you came into the picture, I couldn't let you go...and it started to kill us both. But we did it. We love each other so much, that we were able to let go and let each other be free. And honestly, I have a new appreciation for you. We forgot how to be friends... And I think we make pretty damn good friends.

_This is how it works_

_You're young until you're not_

_You love until you don't_

_You try until you can't_

_You laugh until you cry_

_You cry until you laugh_

_And everyone must breathe_

_Until their dying breath_

Sometimes I can't believe how much time has passed since that fateful night in the therapist's office. But God, when I do, I see how different we are. Fully embracing life. Living it as best we can. After all, we only get one life...why waste it being unhappy? Keep moving forward. It's true, it did hurt to see you happy with someone else, as I know it hurt for you to see me with another person. But, I was still happy for you, and I know it was returned. I mean, good lord...we even supported each other through it and offered encouragement. If that's not a show of how far we've come, I don't know what is.

_No, this is how it works_

_You peer inside yourself_

_You take the things you like_

_And try to love the things you took_

_And then you take that love you made _

_And stick it into some_

My relationship ended about five months ago, and God damn it, I'm proud of myself. I didn't let it crush me...because I've learned to love myself. Everything. Even my flaws. It's because I've accepted I'm human and everyone has flaws...everyone makes mistakes, and nobody's perfect. I'm sad that it took me over half of my life to realize that, but I did it none the less. And now our precious Sofia will grow into a woman who knows what confidence, acceptance, and self-love looks like because we were able to show her. She knows that she can be perfectly imperfect. And that's because of us. And I was watching you with her the other day, listening. She came to you in tears because she was ashamed of her body. And hearing you comfort her, and show her how beautiful she really is...I couldn't be prouder of you...of us, and how, despite everything, through all this time, we still love each other. Whether as friends or as more, we love each other.

_Someone else's heart_

_Pumping someone else's blood_

_And walking arm in arm_

_You hope it don't get harmed_

_But even if it does_

_You'll just do it all again_

I think I've reached absolute happiness. I can't be any happier than I am right now. I'm with you. And we're doing it right. We've learned to talk. We've learned to support each other...to talk things out. Because we know what it feels like to be healthy, and we never want to go back to that feeling of suffocation. Yes, we're nervous that we'll hurt each other. That's unavoidable in a relationship. But we've grown so much, and we've learned how to be healthy together. We've always had that love, but I truly think we had to learn how to love ourselves first, that way we could love each other without fear and doubt. I loved walking into our home tonight just the three..._soon to be four_... of us. I loved making homemade pizza for our Friday night movie night. Being here, sitting against you, Sofia sprawled across us, despite how big she is now, this is heaven to me.

_On the radio_

_You hear November Rain_

_That solo's awful long_

_But it's a good refrain_

_You listen to it twice_

'_Cause the DJ is asleep_

_On the radio_

_On the radio_

_On the radio, uh oh_

_On the radio, uh oh_

_On the radio, uh oh_

_On the radio._

**Author's Note:** I'm very crushed about the episode, but I also realize they weren't in a healthy relationship. So I'm hoping they're over, with the potential of getting back together once they learn to love and support themselves separate of each other. I know I probably sound pathetic, but I'm determined to remain optimistic despite the odds. Plus, maybe this will be a good season to learn about who Arizona is as a character and more personally, since she's always been connected to Callie from her début (not at all saying that's a bad thing...but she is an enigma). I really really want them to be endgame. And I probably will convince myself that they will be, even if the show ends and it says otherwise (I've seen HIMYM...I know how this can work ;) But probably like a lot of you, Callie and Arizona have helped me tremendously. They helped me realize, except, and embrace who I am, despite being fictional. I hope you guys are doing okay, and I am very willing to chat through PMs if you guys want to talk about your feels. Love you all!


End file.
